Design Stories

Once, I read a poem about coronavirus, It sucked so I’m writing my own. I have nothing better to do Now that I’m stuck at home. I hate this lockdown. I want to feel the breeze, But at least I don’t have to Sit my GCSE’S. My dad likes to watch football But now he must do without. My mum is online shopping And the pasta is sold out. My brothers play online games Or talk to their friends. Meanwhile I just stay in my bedroom Waiting for this lockdown to end. Boris Johnson is missing. The Queen gave a speech. We are all in this together Despite being out of reach.

For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a nurse. I would say I like to help people but it’s more than that, it’s almost a need and I can’t explain it. The thought of some one in distress causes me distress and it can be exhausting. I wanted to go to college when I left school but my mum said I had to get a job( I won’t add the expletives that she used) and then told me to leave home at 17. After years of struggling I was finally in a position to go to college after my first daughter was born and got a place on a access to higher education course but unfortunately it was just too difficult with a newborn and long story short it took me another 10 years to get back but this time I had to resit my English, maths and science GCSEs. I failed my maths and it took anther 2 years to pass. I did extra courses and volunteered and and finally aged 36 I got into uni (the first in my family) and just as I was getting ready to start my final year I failed an assignment. I’m back to resit but this is my final chance. if I fail again I’m off the course and after some serious financial hardship and psychological stress I cant let this happen. My mental health more than anything needs this to happen. I know I would be an amazing mental health nurse and I genuinely have the passion to help others but what if it doesn’t happen ? How do I tell my kids I failed ? I don’t know what else I could do and I’m so invested in this I don’t think I could cope if I failed. Wish me luck ..I need all I can get.

I want love. I yearn for unstable. I need to be up at three in the morning. I hunger to be able to need someone. I love objects and materials. Because that’s easy. But I want someone to make me feel sick with love. Nauseous of the thought of losing them. I desire a purpose. I don’t want to be able to walk away from the situation. With barely a tear on my face. I need to feel. How can I expect anyone to love me? If I can’t love them? I want to be completely on top of the world. As well as being so close to hell. I want to get so fixated with another individual. That I remember the exact shape of their eyes. And the colour they glow. I want to feel butterflies. I want to get anxious. I want to have a reason to impress someone. I want pain. A fire burning throughout my heart and veins. Rather than being stone cold constantly. Candles rather than ice cubes. I want to feel alive.   I want a reason to feel happiness. I want dopamine. Instead of a zombified soul.